April 30-the day I bought my first house on my own
December 12—the date I first met my husband.
October 8- the day I found out I was pregnant
I confess: January 18 is one of those dates for me.
I confess: Despite how my eerie recall of this date might look, I am really okay.
I confess: The past year has been a time of healing and looking forward.
I confess: At various points throughout the year, I’ve found myself sad and wistful while simultaneously calm and satisfied.
I confess: Over the past year, I’ve figured out some things that were so unclear in the face of loss.
I confess: I’ve figured out I can do hard things even if that just means putting one foot in front of the other.
I confess: Physically, I know I don’t want to go through another pregnancy. I know I am done.
I confess: That doesn’t mean we are done growing our family.
I confess: Marty and I have been seriously exploring the possibility of adoption.
I confess: We don’t know how this process is going to play out. Just like the decision to try to have a baby, the decision to adopt is fraught with questions, uncertainties, and a wee bit of insecurity. It is a leap of faith.
I confess: What we do know—that our hearts are being called to grow our family though adoption—is, however, stronger than those doubts.
I confess: I don’t have a lot of details to share beyond what I already have. We are researching, attending seminars, talking to parents who have been through the process already. Most importantly, we are still prayerfully considering options and remaining faithful that the path and the timing will be made clear.
I confess: we’ve hesitated to share our plans because there’s always the chance it won’t work out. Oh, wait. Isn’t that the way it is with anything in life? I learned last January that telling or not telling doesn’t change outcomes…
I confess: I am sure people will still say (unintentional) hurtful things, like, “Your family is perfect already.” Or “How in the world will you manage with a third?” or “Do you have any idea of how much money it costs to adopt/raise a child?”
I confess: I don’t care anymore. It’s another thing that has changed for me this past year. As I was told last January, “God’s in control.”
I confess: Love is bigger than my pride, my bank account, our diaper stash, sleeping in, my obsessive need for a clean house…
I confess: on this January 18, I know I still have a whole lot of love to give.
It won't matter what car I drove,
What kind of house I lived in,
How much I had in my bank account,
Nor what my clothes looked like,
But, the world may be a little better
Because I was important in the life of a child.